'My brother died in a one-punch attack - this is why I've forgiven the lad who did it'
The brother of a Blackburn man who was killed in a one-punch attack has come face-to-face someone who did the same thing - and made a surprise announcement.
24-year-old sports coach Adam Rogers died after a one-punch attack by teenager William Upton as he tried to walk him away from a fight in Blackburn town centre in 2009. The punch was so hard it knocked Adam out before he hit the ground. This meant he could not break his fall and the fatal damage was done as his head hit the ground.
Since his tragic death, his family has set up Every Action Has Consequences (EAHC), which tries to get young people to question casual attitudes to violence. and encourage them to explore different ways of dealing with anger and conflict. Last year the charity revealed how, in 15 years, they had directly engaged with almost half a million young people, giving talks in schools and prisons and providing free educational packs which are used by primary schools and secondary schools across the country.
Now Adam’s brother Tim McKenna has taken part in an emotionally-charged episode of Face To Face, broadcast by LadBible, where he came face to face with Jacob Dunne who himself delivered a punch that tragically killed a stranger. Convicted of manslaughter, he served a prison sentence and has since dedicated his life to accountability and self-reflection.
In the episode, Tim said the feelings caused by Adam’s death have led to him making poor choices, to the breakdown of his marriage, and he regrets not asking for help sooner. But incredibly, he also said he forgave his brother’s killer.
Swallowing anger
Tim said: “I’ve spent so much time with it there, just swallowing the anger. I did things I can't change. One of the big things for me that I regret is that at no point did I actually ask for some professional help. If I had done maybe some of the choices, some of the stuff that I did wouldn't have been so bad.
“The end result for me was basically, I don't hold all the responsibility, but I have a massive responsibility, because the choices I made, for the breakdown of my marriage, through grief, through anger, through lashing out at the world, I guess. And I hate the fact that I only get to spend half the lives with my two little humans. I don't get them to put them to bed every night, tell them I love them.”
Forgiveness
He added: “It took me a long time to sort of get my head around how I felt, but getting to that point, where I was comfortable in my own skin again was a milestone and where things started to get better for me. And we can’t stay angry forever, can we, you know?
“And for me that staying angry, the only person I was really damaging was myself. So to let some of that go has been a really big step for me. Yeah. You know, all that hurt, that anger, the lashing out at the world. The only person I was actually damaging was myself.
“So yeah. I forgave the boy that killed Adam. I forgive him totally, wholly now. I haven't told him, I've no intention of telling him, I don't care one little iota what that lad thinks about my forgiveness. Like I say, the lesson, hard-fought lesson was that simple. Forgiveness doesn't belong to the person who's wrong, it’s yours.”
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