Who's The Daddy: A decade of chaos, cuddles and chewed up toys

Apart from being yours truly’s best friend in the whole world, and having a choice of two sofas and three beds to lounge on all day after his morning and evening walks, his personality is best described as Rod Hull’s Emu on Parkinson - he even looks like him.

Daughter #2’s triumphant return from her second five-month tour of duty in the Caribbean aboard the world’s largest cruise ship also heralded a bumper crop of presents for us all. An Inter Miami shirt in the colours of the Dolphins for yours truly, a classy yoga jacket for The Boss, one of those massive Stanley cups the size of a washing up bowl for her big sister and a teddy of her ship’s dog Rover for the boy Walter.

It’s a foible of pointy-snooted longdogs that while they have this capacity for wanton destruction, they absolutely adore cuddling and nibbling at a teddy bear.

Walter had been awfully quiet on our bed one evening last week with his new ted/dog and The Boss walked in on him to be met with the guiltiest look in the history of dogs after he’d literally ripped poor Rover a new one and spilled his guts all over the duvet. It looked like an explosion in a bean bag factory. And Rover has been kept on a high shelf out of harm’s way ever since.

The word “indestructible” on a dog toy has always been taken as a personal challenge by Walter. Every birthday he is driven to the pet barn where he picks his own present and the best thing he ever chose was a football with two lengths of rope attached to either side for his two great loves in life. Football and tug of war.

The trouble is, if you leave him alone with it, he busies himself unpicking the rope, and then rips chunks out of the panels on the ball. His last one took around nine months to destroy and as a result, he’s only allowed five minutes at a time with this year’s model.

While not laying claim to being the easiest dog in the world - walks can be a challenge if he’s triggered by the sight of bearded men in flat caps, border collies, black Labradors, cats, birds and sudden gusts of wind - but even though he’s a solid gold idiot, he’s our solid gold idiot and we love him for it.

The sad thing is, a couple of his slightly older dog friends from puppyhood are suddenly no longer with us. As someone who has owned dogs since forever, once they hit their teens every day is a bonus.

Sure, he has a ruinously expensive private healthcare plan that a Premier League footballer’s agent might consider excessive, the diet of an Olympian and waited on like a European prince, but he’s doesn’t ask for much - just everything on his terms at all times.

Anyway, happy birthday buddy. Here’s to a few more yet.

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