Raise a glass to angry mum

Anybody who has been in a relationship that has lasted more than five minutes will know that give and take goes a long way to making it a success.

Wednesday, 26th February 2020, 5:00 pm

The long-suffering Mrs Tapp and I are little more than a year off marking our 25th anniversary of life together, which is more of a testament to her remarkable levels of patience than my services to domestic harmony.

The most content people I know are those who appreciate the crashing lows as much as the soaring heights. These people take life in their stride, take the good with the bad and very rarely sweat the small stuff.

As much as I might profess to aspire to be like these cool cats, it ain’t ever going to happen as high drama has always interested me far more than quiet reflection has.

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Rowdy debate and needless confrontation sustained me right throughout my teens to my 40th birthday and beyond.

Although it would be a stretch for me to claim that I have mellowed with age, the passing of time, as it does for most people, has provided me with a great deal of context which I can compare my woes to - especially the trivial ones.

I tend to measure my very slow progress in this area against that of others, particularly strangers. I smugly snigger whenever sweaty shoppers launch into a tirade against a ‘malfunctioning’ automatic checkout - they stopped annoying me five years ago. Perhaps the most amusing recent example of unreasonable behaviour was the confession that a hacked off wife posted on that ultimate portal into 21st Century life, Mumsnet.

The anonymous author admitted that she was so frustrated with her husband’s reluctance to return the toilet seat to its correct flat position, that she has decided to pour away some of his beer every time he leaves the seat upright.

To make sure he gets the message - she says she will leave the empty beer bottle on the sink’s draining board.

It is to be hoped she isn’t disposing of craft beer, which is arguably the most expensive liquid known to mankind.