I tried the world's most popular burger right here in Lancashire and it was the most disappointing meal ever
In the history of humanity, never has there been a food item more intrinsically tied to one overarching brand name, its presence in our lives almost constant from childhood to adulthood...
For better or worse, burgers will forever be associated with McDonald’s, the Golden Arches looming over us all. Having embarked on a mission to try Lancashire’s top-rated burgers last year, I also decided that I would pit the county’s top-notch grub up against the world’s best-selling sandwich - the Big Mac.
I know, I know, I can hear your protests from here - a hunt for the top burger should veer well clear of the famed Maccy D’s. Their food, whilst incredibly moreish, is famously low quality. But I wanted to include a basic fast food joint for the sake of comparison and contrast.
Heading over to my local brand of McDonald’s, I was confronted with that classic Maccy’s atmosphere: a neon wall of busy noise, families with souped-up kids, annoying teenagers drunk on new-found independence, tired people who’ve just finished a long shift, and hungover people in desperate need of protein and salt.
The vibe was a 0/5 - the place is not one designed to be welcoming. It’s a human drive-through, a system centred on the purpose of getting you in, taking your cash, and getting you out. The staff were friendly and professional, but it goes without saying that McDonald’s is not necessarily somewhere where you’d want to stay for a meal.
On to the grub. I ordered a Big Mac which promptly fanned out like a deck of cards - McDonald’s burgers tend to feel like all the constituent parts of a burger thrown together in a box for your own assembly before eating. The meat was thin, dry, and tasted faintly of beef. It’s a 2/5 for me - no juice, no flavour, and no real satisfaction.
I found the same thing with the burger’s moisture - the meat was dry, the dread was slightly toasted and dry, the salad was warm and dry, the sauce was insufficient, the cheese congealed into rubberiness. 1/5 on the moisture front - this thing needs some liquid in there, for the love of all the patron saint Ronald McDonald himself.
The extras were a bit better. It may be awful, but I quite like Maccy’s lettuce for its weird and slightly disturbing sweetness, as if a plant has had its lovely natural DNA spliced with a sugar cube. The burger sauce is alright too, and I’m as partial to a slice of plasticky American cheese as the next burger reviewer. 3/5 and I’m being generous.
Finally, I’m coming to the value: this thing was £4.49, which I thought was steep for what is essentially a terrifyingly cheap-to-produce bit of fast food. It wasn’t especially large, it wasn’t especially filling, it was relatively disappointing as a meal, and it cost me the best part of a fiver. 2/5 and I’m again being kind to the famous Golden Arches.
So there you have it. Stop the presses: McDonald’s is the best burger going. But the mad thing is, it’s easily the most successful restaurant in the world, so I suppose they’ve had the last laugh.
Meat: 2/5
Moisture: 1/5
Extras: 3/5
Vibe: 0/5
Value: 2/5
TOTAL: 8/25
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