The back-to-school divorce effect: why September is a turning point for separating families

NFM (National Family Mediation) received 1,892 enquiries in September and October last year, with October its busiest month of the year - and children were at the heart of many of those conversations.

Of those who gave a reason for contacting NFM, more than half cited children as a core issue they wanted to discuss, with 984 enquiries specifically mentioning them. Mediators say the true number was considerably higher once conversations with families got underway.

And with Christmas fast approaching - often the first spent apart for newly separated parents - NFM is urging families to start talking now about arrangements for their children, rather than waiting until emotions and pressures are running high.

Sarah Hawkins, CEO of NFM, said: “September is a real turning point. The children go back to school, routines return and parents suddenly have some of the headspace they may not have had during the summer holidays.

“For some couples, that provides the clarity to make a decision about their relationship - and the time to start doing something about it.

“We saw almost 1,900 enquiries in September and October alone last year, and what really stands out is just how central children are to so many of those conversations.

“Even at the very first point of contact, 984 people specifically told us that children were something they needed help to discuss. Our mediators tell us the reality is that the number is much higher once they begin talking to families.

“And then Christmas is suddenly on the horizon.

“For parents experiencing their first Christmas after separation, the questions can feel enormous. Where will the children wake up? Who gets Christmas Day? How do we make sure they see the people who matter to them?

“But behind all of those questions is usually the one that matters most to parents: how do we make this as easy as possible for our children?

“That is why we encourage families to start talking early. Don't leave those conversations until emotions are high and Christmas is around the corner.”

NFM is urging parents facing separation this autumn to seek support early and consider family mediation before disagreements become entrenched.

Mediation gives separating parents a neutral, supported space to work through arrangements for their children alongside other practical issues including finances, property and the family home.

Crucially, it gives parents the opportunity to reach those decisions together rather than immediately asking a court to decide for them.

Where appropriate, children can also have their voices heard through Child Inclusive Mediation, giving them an opportunity to express their wishes and feelings without being asked to choose between their parents.

Sarah added: “Children should never feel they have to pick a side.

“They may have very clear feelings about what matters to them, particularly around something as important and emotional as Christmas. Child Inclusive Mediation can give them an appropriate way to have their voice heard.

“Mediation isn't about keeping couples together. It's about helping parents who are separating find a way forward that works for their family.

“The earlier those conversations happen, the better the chance of reaching arrangements everyone can live with - and keeping children away from the conflict.”

NFM is also reminding separating parents that financial help is available.

Through the Government's Family Mediation Voucher Scheme, eligible families can receive up to £500 towards the cost of mediation where discussions involve arrangements for children.

The scheme can help parents work through issues including where their children will live and how they will spend time with each parent, without immediately resorting to court proceedings.

Legal Aid for family mediation also remains available for those who qualify.

Sarah said: “We know this busy period is coming. Last year, almost 1,900 families contacted us across September and October, and children were at the heart of so many of those enquiries.

“So our message to parents is simple: don't wait for things to reach boiling point.

“If you're separating and struggling to agree what happens next for your children, help is available. The Government voucher can provide up to £500 towards mediation, and starting those conversations early can make an enormous difference.

“Your first Christmas after separation will inevitably be different. It doesn't have to be a battle.”