Walter’s no softie when out

Our sighthound Walter likes nothing more than charging around a field with greyhounds, whippets, salukis and the like. And if you’ve never seen these dogs close up at full pelt then it’s a sight to behold. It’s somewhere between a starling murmuration and the pod racing scene from The Phantom Menace.

My only advice is to try and stand behind something solid while they’re running around in sweeping circles like lunatics, because these dogs can go up to 40mph and if you’re in the way they’ll skittle you like the last pin standing in a bowling alley.

As the boss found out to her cost recently when Walter was enjoying some zoomies with his saluki/alsatian buddy, who clattered into her left knee head first with all the force Roy Keane used to back in the day when Man Utd were getting beat.

The force of the impact span her right round and, at first, we thought she’d ridden the challenge like a seasoned international winger. Sadly we were mistaken. Before long the boss was hobbling around and, even after a couple of weeks, her knee wasn’t getting much better. There was only one thing for it, a call to the magician of a sports physio - who got yours truly and his glass back through two Great North Runs - to see if he could ease her pain. One examination later and it turns out her knee injury is (checks notes) a posterior knee capsule haematoma and scar tissue from a direct blow trauma. He said if it was any consolation, the dog would’ve had a headache too. Sadly for the boss, running is a no-no, and with the Liverpool 10k coming up in a couple of months, that’s a bit tricky. Spin classes are a goer though as the movement breaks down scar tissue to help the injury heal better.

SOUTH AMERICA UPDATE: Daughter #1’s three-month road trip’s been eventful. In the last week they’ve been to the Atacama Salt Flats, 3,656m above sea level (poor wifi, apparently), and are currently in La Paz, Bolivia, where the national team regularly thrash all-comers as Messi and Neymar can’t breathe properly 2.2 miles above sea level.