Readers' letters - April 25

David, I've just found two new species

Tuesday, 1st May 2018, 6:40 pm
Updated Tuesday, 1st May 2018, 6:46 pm
Plastic bottle litter

I have informed David Attenborough that I have just discovered two new mammal species.

The first is the Bottleous Claspious human.

This is a creature which needs to walk in its environment clasping a plastic water bottle which it drinks from, thinking, because a brain-dead scientist has told it, if it doesn’t drink 2.5 litres of water a day, it will turn into something akin to a dried prune.

Sign up to our daily newsletter

The i newsletter cut through the noise

The second is the Coffeeous Cupious human.

This is another creature which spends its life walking around with a cup of coffee in its hand, thinking, if it doesn’t drink coffee, it will fall into a deep sleep akin to Rip Van Winkle.

Unfortunately the creature cannot drink the coffee since it’s either too hot, too cold or, as it enters its vehicle, it spills the coffee all over the floor.

Unfortunately both creatures, after drinking or not drinking its beverages, throws the liquid container away, polluting the planet for the next ten billion


Luckily, evolution takes over.

The first creature cannot breed because it is constantly visiting the toilet and the second cannot because it is endlessly visiting A&E to tend its scalded body parts.

Long live the planet.

Bernard Darbyshire

via email


What’s in our best interests?

We cannot trust the Conservative MPs to vote in the best interests of our country because they are being forced to put the survival of their own Government first.

There is soon going to be a vote in the House

of Commons on whether to leave the Customs


Theresa May is going to make this a vote of confidence in herself and the Government.

So Conservative MPs, a lot of whom support staying in the Customs Union, will be forced to vote against it in order to prevent the Government losing a vote

of confidence which will trigger another General Election.

The Government’s own internal forecast predicts that leaving the Customs Union will reduce growth in the North East by 16 per cent, the West Midlands by 13 per cent and the North West by 12 per cent over the next 15 years.

The Conservative MPs will be voting for the self-destruction of our economy in order to keep themselves in power.

This is why we must have another vote and let the people decide what is in their best interests.

Mike Turner

via email


Make time to seek truth

The point about all the claims and counterclaims over the alleged Douma attack, and any other issue, is that we ferociously seek the truth.

We need to review the testimonies from people on the ground who visited Douma, we need to scrutinise the reports compiled by the organisations working in Syria, we need to listen to whistleblowers and evaluate what they claim, we need to compare government and media treatment of alleged atrocities from different parts of the world, and we need to ask a lot of questions and listen carefully to the answers. We could even make contact with the journalists, reporters, politicians, and other professionals involved.

Passive spectating on events won’t do it.

And if we don’t have the time, make time, even if this means spending one less hour each day holding the computer console or whatever other distraction of choice.

Louis Shawcross

via email


Public apologies, political capital

I refer to the letter from Dennis Fitzgerald re: apologies (LP Letters, Saturday, April 21). What’s all this obsession with apologies these days?

“Are you sorry you beat your wife?”

He’s just as guilty if he says “yes” or if he says “no”.

You see it’s not about the victim. It never is.

It’s about the political capital that can be gained from a public apology.

G Marlow

via email


Windrush cards fiasco

Does it really matter who destroyed the landing cards of some of the Windrush generation?

Surely the time debating this issue would be better spent making the situation right and compensating those who suffered?

Hilary Andrews

Address supplied