Who's The Daddy: From the January gym rush to long-term survival

Many of them, and this was yours truly until three years ago, are there in the mistaken belief that they can burn off their Christmas and New Year excesses, where they partied like they were on tour with the Rolling Stones in the early 1970s. But like me back then, they are sorely mistaken.

This column is not here to sneer at gym newbies. It welcomes you with open arms. It’s great to see you all and if exercise had just been invented last week, you’d be able to get it on prescription.

When you get to a certain age (56 next month, how the hell did that happen?), exercise is basically self-preservation. I’d rather be the oldest in the Pilates class than the youngest in the nursing home.

There’s loads of advice on the internet about this and that exercise programme but the bottom line is this - the more muscle that’s on your body, the better your chances are of staying mobile for longer and not smashing your hip in a fall. In short, lift weights. And walk. 10,000 steps a day is great, but as many as you can.

Three years ago, after three decades of eating like a pig and drinking like a fish, I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. As kicks up the arse go, it was like in 1994 when Manchester United’s Mark Hughes booted Sheffield United’s David Tuttle so hard up the jacksie both his feet left the floor. It’s on YouTube, it’s well worth a watch.

YouTube videos by Newcastle University’s Professor Roy Taylor and the late Dr Michael Mosley explained the way to lose weight isn’t through exercise, it’s a straightforward calorie deficit through diet. And that flipped a switch in my head and I lost 3st in six months, have kept it off pretty easily ever since and got Type 2 diabetes into remission, where thankfully it has stayed. The threat of going blind and having your toes amputated is pretty strong motivation.

So if your New Year’s resolution is to lose weight, start in your kitchen, not the gym.

One of the valuable lessons I learned while getting Type 2 diabetes into remission without using weight-loss jabs was this. We burn 50-60% of our calories every day by breathing in and out, powering our organs and blinking. Another 10% or so digesting food, 10-15% moving around and fidgeting, 10% or so walking and around 5% exercising at the gym - and that’s only on the days we go.

Exercising to lose weight while still eating a terrible diet is like trying to empty a bath with both taps still running. Not impossible, but pretty close to it.

If I needed to lose weight again, this is what I’d do. Eat plenty of protein (eggs, fish, fresh meat, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese) fibre (porridge, sourdough bread, berries, nuts, green veggies) cut down on carbohydrates and totally eliminate all processed food and sugar. In the Janet & John terms that I understand, your body has two main sources of fuel - sugar and fat, and it burns sugar first.

Think of your big supermarket shop as Malcolm McLaren’s Buffalo Gals, go round the outside. - because that’s where all the good stuff is. And if you’re stepping into a gym for the first time in years, here’s two important things. Don’t go flat out at first, and stick with it. Consistency is key. The best explanation about fitness and weight loss I heard was this - think of it as ripping off one sheet of bog roll a day. For the first few weeks, it doesn’t look any different. But after a couple of months, you’ll notice, and then everyone else will. And after that, they’ll be asking how you did it.

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