Blaise Tapp: The ‘steaks’ are high of me ever being able to barbecue

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There comes a point in one’s life when you have to face facts and accept that there are some things you’ll never master.

I’ve long had enough self awareness to concede that there are a long list of disciplines that lay outside of my skill set: I pretty much packed in all DIY in my mid-thirties, following a near miss with a power drill, not to mention several misplaced coats of emulsion. The same goes for strenuous exercise - I long ago came to terms with the fact that I’ll always look more like Jim Royle than Seb Coe while wearing a running vest.However, I’m nothing if not persistent and there are some things I can’t stop doing, even though I really am not very good at them. Barbecuing is perhaps the best example of this because there really aren’t many people who can fail as miserably as I can at grilling a Cumberland sausage or a lamb kebab.Once upon a time, a man was judged on his ability to hunt for food or build a shelter out of branches and an old pair of trousers but these days, the ultimate test of masculinity is how long we can stand outside in all weathers while successfully turning over bangers and burgers with an oversized pair of tongs.I've already attempted to cook dinner outside twice this year and on both occasions it was an unmitigated disaster with the kitchen oven coming to my rescue each time. I actually thought I had cracked it last weekend when I successfully lit the thing at the first attempt - a triumph in its own right - but I was undone by my lack of organisation and by the time that I had nipped back from the house with the correct utensils, our dinner resembled lumps of charcoal.Luckily, I hadn't thrown everything onto the grill and we had enough leftover food to salvage something resembling a half decent meal. However, it has left me seriously asking myself why I keep subjecting myself to such embarrassment, which has now become something of a ritual, especially when I consider myself to be a half decent cook.Even the kids, who will eat most things I stick in front of them, are beginning to notice that their dad is the one of the few grown men who hasn't figured out how to work a barbecue. I think I'll give it one last go the next time the sun shows itself and if I fail again, I will knock up a nice quiche and salad.

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