Blaise Tapp: The secret joy of fatherhood? Annoying your children
Being a dad is undoubtedly the most important, not to mention rewarding, job I will ever do.
While most of us like to occasionally tut and grumble about our offspring, there are so many parent privileges that the list is almost endless. While I’ve been lucky enough to have a front row seat at the births of both Tapp children and have watched wide-eyed as first steps were taken and ‘dadda’ was uttered, I’m just as excited about what the future might hold. First pints, graduations, watching them make their way in the big, wide world are all moments I very much look forward to.
Not that I’m in a massive hurry for them to fly the nest, as I would lose the biggest privilege of them all - the right to get on one’s children’s nerves. To be fair, I don’t have to try too hard as, depending on which way the wind is blowing, the way I dress, snore, sneeze and, bizarrely, the way I breathe, is deemed to be annoying.
However, if I want to be sure to really grind the gears of my own flesh and blood then all I need to do is nick some food from their plate - even when I’ve lovingly prepared and cooked it. Their frustration is only exacerbated if I dare to declare ‘chef’s rights’ while swooping in to repatriate a crispy roast spud. Doubly annoying, I’m told. The act of food theft doesn’t just wind up the kids as I often find myself in serious lumber if I try it on with Mrs Tapp’s supper.
It’s one of my least attractive traits apparently but I now feel vindicated after learning this week that I have science on my side. According to Russian academics, there is clear evidence that stolen chips taste much better than those served directly to you.
The research, which involved identical servings of French fries, found that the pilfered grub was deemed to taste 40 per cent scrummier. There could be a number of reasons for this but it’s probably due to the fact that anything deemed to be out of bounds or a limited edition is usually far more attractive than something that’s available to any Tom, Dick or Harriet.
As relevant to my life as this research is, it’s highly unlikely that it’ll do me any favours if I declare that I’m merely following science, the next time I swipe a nugget from underneath my children’s noses.