Bungling Jason Montague, who is now behind bars, put the bizarre posts on Facebook after a police pursuit in which he crashed into another car.
Montague, 25, of Ullswater Street, Chorley, committed the offences in a Ford Focus on Fieldon Street, Chorley, on February 10.
He collided with a Toyota Yaris during the incident, the bench was told.
During an appearance at Preston Magistrates' Court he pleaded guilty to driving while disqualified, failing to stop after an accident, failing to stop for police, having no insurance, and breaching a suspended jail term.
Prosecuting Andy Robinson said his car was seen at around 1am on Eaves Lane, Chorley, and officers began to follow him.
He turned left onto Fieldon Street and continued for about 50 metres, but collided with the parked Yaris.
Two men fled from the scene and ran off down Delamere Place.
The car, which had been bought recently by Montague, was found to have false plates.
But the vehicles was easily traced back to his address - and the car's last keeper confirmed he had recently sold the vehicle to Montague
Jailing him for 12 weeks the chairman of the magistrates' bench said: "We have discussed at depth these offences, they are not acceptable and as you rightly surmised, you will be spending some time in custody.
"There is a breach of a suspended sentence which we are duty bound to enforce.
"The reason we've done this is your previous bad character, your total disregard for the court, your total disregard for the law and the fact we have to protect the public.
" You have got to learn that when a court makes an order it means that order must be obeyed."
He was banned for one year and eight months and must pay a £115 surcharge.