Christmas survival guide for separated families: Top tips from NFM (National Family Mediation)

The Christmas holidays can be a joyful time, but for many families, they bring added pressures; especially for separated parents juggling schedules, presents, and managing expectations. After all, even the happiest families may feel the strain when faced with festive logistics and the price of the latest must-have toy!

For families still navigating recent separations, these pressures can be even more complex. According to the latest Ministry of Justice (MoJ) family court statistics, over 27,900 divorce applications were filed between January and March 2024 alone.

Many of these couples are still working through the process and may not yet have formal childcare agreements in place, adding to the potential for holiday conflict.

According to NFM (National Family Mediation), the country's largest mediation provider, the Christmas period often sees a surge in requests for support. Many separated couples seek help establishing plans: who will be with the children on Christmas morning, who gets to attend the nativity play, and when children can see grandparents and other family members.

Sarah Hawkins, CEO of NFM, highlights the most common conflicts and offers her top tips for a smooth and stress-free holiday season.

1. Create a Christmas Parenting Schedule

A clear schedule can help reduce holiday stress. "A parenting schedule, agreed upon by both parents, can be a valuable visual tool, allowing everyone to stay informed and avoid misunderstandings," Sarah suggests.

Planning early also helps children know what to expect, which can make the holidays feel more stable and enjoyable for them. Besides, a well-laid plan may help avoid those mid-December surprises—like suddenly discovering everyone expects to have the children for Christmas lunch.

2. Avoid Overpromising

"Make sure you fully understand the schedule before making commitments with your children," Sarah advises. The Christmas holidays are packed with family gatherings, outings, and excitement for children. By working together with your ex-partner, you can prevent disappointments and confusion around holiday plans.

After all, the last thing anyone wants is a frantic dash across town to squeeze in “just one more” Christmas gathering on the 25th!

3. Put the Children First

When planning, remember to keep your children's happiness and well-being in focus. Sarah explains, “This can mean ensuring they have time with both parents and extended family, where it’s safe and beneficial for them.”

Avoid exposing children to arguments or tension, as even small conflicts can cause them distress during what should be a happy time.

It’s Christmas, so try to let any minor holiday grievances slide. No one wants to be caught arguing over who bought the “better” present!

4. Communicate Openly with Your Ex

Sarah acknowledges that keeping lines of communication open isn’t always easy but emphasises its importance. "If possible, try to talk in a neutral setting, like a café or park," she suggests.

Starting with points you both agree on and addressing plans in manageable steps can ease the conversation and prevent feelings from getting too heated. And remember, the café has tea, biscuits, and no space for “discussions” about who started the tinsel argument.

5. Be Mindful of Travel Plans

With many families opting to spend the holidays abroad, passports and travel can become a point of contention. "Parents often have concerns about their children travelling with an ex-partner or their ex’s new partner,” Sarah notes.

Discussing these concerns together can help. For example, consider setting up video calls during the trip or agreeing to a shorter visit. Ultimately, finding solutions that prioritise your children’s happiness can make the process easier for everyone.

When to Ask for Help

The Government's Family Mediation Voucher Scheme provides up to £500 in support for those needing mediation over holiday arrangements or other issues involving children. "Help is available, so don’t hesitate to use it," Sarah encourages.

Between October and Christmas, NFM receives more than 12,000 calls, 2,400 referrals, and holds over 1,400 mediation sessions—82% of which address family dynamics over the festive season.

For families needing further assistance, Legal Aid remains available to make mediation accessible regardless of financial situation.

About National Family Mediation

NFM is a charity dedicated to helping families resolve disputes over children, finances, and other important matters following separation or divorce. Its services are designed to make the process as smooth, cost-effective, and amicable as possible, even during challenging times like the holidays.

You can download the NFM Festive Parenting Schedule here: Christmas Advice For Divorce | National Family Mediation