The anxiety of a cancer sufferer: 'Sometimes, when the fear grips me and the devil on my shoulder tells me ‘it’s back,’ all I pray for is time'

Roisin Pelan with her family
Roisin Pelan with her family
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Columnist Roisin Pelan writes about finishing chemo, scanxiety and seeing another Mother's Day.

After my incredible scan results in March, I found some raised glands in my neck. I had to go and see my wonderful oncologist who felt my neck and said “I want to do a CT scan Roisin”. It was purely precautionary but does it ever end? The scanxiety, the waiting, the fretting? I don’t think it does. The scan came back okay - but there was something showing in my head and in my pelvis so I’m currently waiting on more results from a different type of scan to check what’s happening.

In the meantime - I FINISHED CHEMO. Wahooooooo. ( I say Wahoo, but in reality, I’m scared ). The chemo is my safety net so it’s strange being without it. I will be starting more super mild chemo - it’s targeted therapy that I will stay on for life. My ovaries will be shut down and my bones will be strengthened with more drugs to hopefully stop any little rascal cells invading. Oh the joys.

It’s been Mother’s Day too - all these milestones are massive to me. I got another Mother's Day in the bag. My sweet little babe made me the most gorgeous card and we spent the day dancing in the garden, snuggling and just being all together. It was perfect. Ivy is the most magical medicine on earth.

We are still pushing with the fund-raising for Cancer Research UK. Our aim is to raise £30k this year to find that cure. Last year, we did A Mile in their Shoes where men paraded their beautiful tootsies around Avenham Park in high heels - this year, it’s A Mile in their Mini Skirts Please come along and join in or just pointy and laugh. We’re asking everyone who takes part to pay £10 each so that we can raise as much as possible. The walk is on April 28 at 12pm meeting at the Continental bridge in Preston. Visit https://www.facebook.com/events/1568904953253992/
We’re also going to be walking the Yorkshire Three peaks in June and having a Peaky Blinders themed ball in October - get involved.

I’m so excited for the summer this year - our lovely garden is coming to life - thanks again Alan Titchmarsh.

We have holidays booked and a son to find. ( I’m still waiting to hear back about my medical before we can carry on with the adoption).

I’m excited for long summer evenings. Sometimes, when the fear grips me and the devil on my shoulder tells me ‘it’s back,' all I pray for is time. I don’t want to miss the littlest things like those summer nights. I have a vision of the kids playing on the green until it starts to go dark, the smell of warm summer nights in the air, chatting to the neighbours and maybe a bit of wine.

And the sound of the excitement from the kids making their very own lifelong memories. As Oasis say - “these could be the best days of our lives."

Soak it all up, the little things without doubt, really are the best.