Tightwad’s out when there’s summat for nowt

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Everyone knows a tightwad, a skinflint, someone with deep pockets and short arms.

The Hackney cab trade in Preston has plenty.

Undoubtedly, the undisputed king of the skintflints is Pete, a fella with an unhealthy obsession with money and an embarrassing reluctance to part with it.

He will decide to buy something then take a day off work scouring alternative sources to find it £5 cheaper.

He is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

Even his nicknames, Hungry Horse and Milkman, reflect the fact that cold sweats and palpitations would result if he even thought about going home when there are ‘fares on the streets’.

He once took his missus , who is famously amorous in drink, home in the early hours, meter on.

Like any red-blooded male, urges took over, so he turfed her out, spun it round and back to town...”still 12 quid out there!” he said.

There is nothing a Tightwad likes more,using a ‘Peteism’, than getting “summat for nowt.”

With another couple in the back of his cab he arrived at their destination to find them crestfallen – they had left their food (a curry takeway) in the pub.

It was late and they were tired and decided that the fare back to town and home again simply wasn’t worth the retrieval of their supper.

Lewis Hamilton could not have made it back to Preston quicker, but nooooo...the pub had closed!

Yet nothing would derail Pete from his quest for free grub.

He convinced the doorman that he was on a mission of mercy to collect his customers’ goods, despite the fact he wanted it for himself.

And he emerged triumphantly clutching the food bag looking like the Treasurer emerging from number 11 on budget day.

Seconds later he is back in his cab, salivating over the thought of a free

feast at the end of his shift, a sub-continental breakfast you could say.

Now we can only imagine the scene, bag opened, smile disappearing quicker than Pete when it is his round...it was merely a ‘doggie bag’, the scrapings and remnants of the couple’s restaurant meal...