This ugly great sphere of sparsely thatched, blinking, jug-eared, shiny meat gawps at me out of mirrors as and when various facial business demands I peer into one.
That’s right. In common with most people outside the worlds of entertainment and fashion, I am a bit weird looking.
Hollow-cheeked. Bag-eyed. Blotchy. Big red hooter. Etc.
Labour leader Ed Miliband is a bit weird looking too, isn’t he?
A bit like Wallace of Wallace and Gromit. A point made last week by the campaigning Sun propaganda sheet (Life’s Brighter When You Roll Over And Accept Prevailing Right Wing Orthodoxy Look At The Breasts) in one of their famously hilarious (if you are sufficiently dumbed down) front pages.
Apparently, they reported, the hilarious (if you are sufficiently dumbed down) millionaires Declan Donnelly and Anthony McPartlin cannot picture Miliband as PM.
A revelation The Sun illustrated by sticking a picture of Wallace – despite the minted Geordie pair drawing no such comparison – alongside a small German woman you might respect as the Queen.
Ha ha ha, I wonder if Nick Park gave permission and if not perhaps has grounds to sue wouldn’t that be a shame?
In any case, The Sun has long been front and centre among the political schemers peddling this notion that because Ed Miliband looks a bit odd – at least as odd as most folk you’d see on a stroll across Preston on any given day – this is a valid reason not to vote Labour.
Clearly it isn’t. And the day that does become a valid reason not to vote for a party or individual is the day we trip merrily into a new world of beautiful perma-tanned smiling bright white teeth fascism.
Incidentally, the reason I will not vote Labour has sod all to do with Miliband’s fizzog and everything to do (for example) with the party he leads taking six-figure sums from PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) – an accountancy firm accused of pushing tax avoidance schemes on an ‘industrial scale’.
Not that this comes in as vulgar folding money. According to PwC it covers seconded staff providing “technical support”. Just as PwC did for the Tories in opposition.
Helping draft policy, perhaps. Making sure loopholes are in there, but well enough hidden so only the wise know where to sneak.
The ugly face of British politics you won’t see on any front page.