Still tied to the purse strings

The “gap yah” duo ended their three-month, self-funded road trip around South America a couple of weeks ago with a flight from Bogota in Colombia to Orlando in Florida, caught an overnighter to Manchester, came home for five days to get their washing done, then daughter #1 and another buddy flew to Marrakesh in Morocco for £30 for a few days in North Africa.

In the time between landing at Manchester and leaving for Morocco, we reckon we saw her three times. Twice on the airport runs and one chance meeting at a petrol station where I showed her a video I’d shot of our sighthound Walter barking at a gargoyle on the Ashton Memorial in Williamson Park.

Was it so long ago she had to reach up at full stretch to hold our hands while walking down the street? Was it even longer when she tottered into the lounge to stunned silence then rapturous applause after taking her first steps?

Yes (checks calendar), it was 18 years ago. I reckon me and the boss blinked some time in the mid-2000s and find ourselves stuck in the future, like an episode of Black Mirror Charlie Brooker will write when his kids hit their teenage years.

Still, no point moping about the past, especially when there are university tuition fees, rent and student loans to tie yourself to for the next 30 years.

We’ll soon have two kids in higher education and because me and the boss are lucky enough to both be in work, we get squeezed until we burst.

Here’s one example. Rent in halls of residence is roughly £6,000 a year. Daughter #1’s student loan is a little over £4,000 a year. Then there’s tuition fees of £9,250 a year. Treble that for a three-year course, then double it because we’ve got two kids.

In fact, don’t. It’s too depressing.

And you can spare me the lecture (pun intended) about graduates only repaying the loan once they earn £25,000 a year and then only nine per cent on everything after that. Debt’s debt and sooner or later it needs paying.

Probably by us.