Hero is as pretty as a picture

Back in the analogue age of the 1980s, I wasn’t short of heroes - the vast majority of whom were sportsmen.

Wednesday, 18th December 2019, 5:00 pm

I didn’t go for the flamboyant artists, my idols were full-blooded warriors such as Mick Kennedy, the hard-as-nails Portsmouth skipper and England’s Terry Butcher.

Kennedy had me gripped the first time I witnessed him chop an opponent in half with one of his trademark full-blooded tackles.

The fact not one of my United or City-supporting pals had ever heard of him made him all the more appealing to this fan in exile.

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But it was Butcher, the unfussy, dependable centre half who was a fixture of the England team during my formative years as a footy fan, who made the biggest impression. He was by no means the best defender to wear the Three Lions, but he looked better than anybody else in a blood splattered white jersey.

Today, the injuries suffered by stars and celebrities are far less dramatic.

Unless you live in cave somewhere north of the Shetlands, you will have heard of Kim Kardashian; even if you wish you hadn’t.

The reality TV star and social media icon is one of the most famous people on the planet, which is due in no small part to her extraordinary talent for taking pictures of herself, which she dutifully posts online. Or at least she used to. It turns out pouting for the tiny camera in your smartphone on a regular basis is bad for one’s health - including Kim’s, before she was forced to stop on doctor’s orders.

Believe it or not, there is now such a thing as selfie wrist. Real doctors have treated real patients for this most avoidable of ailments, meaning we really have gone through the looking glass.

According to those in the know, this most 21st century of injuries - a form of carpal tunnel syndrome - is caused by the flexing of the wrist during the act of taking a picture.

I haven’t met anybody with selfie wrist and I dare say that no right-minded adult would admit to such an affliction.

Unlike Terry Butcher’s magnificent blood-soaked jersey, selfie wrist is not something we should cherish.