Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink, unless you boil it first or has come out of a bottle.
Great news for the pre-packed H2O game Thursday, them tricky little cryptosporidiums finding their way into our Corporation Pop (which should really be rebranded Corporate Pop, what with it having been long flogged off).
Needless to say, supermarket shelves were briskly stripped bare as concerned citizens sought refuge from a fortnight on the porcelain with a bucket in their lap.
And who can blame them? This is the holiday season after all. Who wants to be doubled over sweating and heaving while they could be playing Swingball out back?
Not me pal, and Thursday night found me hauling home one doz.drums of fluid pumped forth in the spa town of Buxton and more than happy to have secured said stash without recourse to ultra violence.
Naturally I had feared the worst. The British, once stoic enough to join singalongs during heavy aerial bombardment, are not, I feel, cut of late from the same cloth.
Although we continue to trade on the fortitude of that generation – only last month the headline on a Daily Mail article by historian Dominic Sandbrook, 41, made the bold claim ‘we kept out Hitler’ – in our heart of hearts we know that indomitable spirit is long departed. The weeks following the death of Diana proved that for keeps.
Blame the media, blame the dumb infantilising barrage of pop culture, blame whatever you like, from Swine Flu to horsemeat to Ebola to Calais, when the balloon goes up, millions fly off the handle.
Never more so when there is an obvious panic buy to hand. Needn’t even be that obvious.
Think back to 2000, haulage firms out to hold Britain to ransom with a blockade (which attracted far less criticism in the press than the average one or day two strike, largely because was orchestrated by an unholy nexus of the Tory Party and big business). By day three not a bag of sugar left in city limits. Ugly scenes at checkouts. Every man or woman for ‘emselves and devil take the hindmost. Over sugar!
Pleasantly surprised to find no such mayhem Thursday though. Calm. Orderly. Well done.
This was written Friday, just after it was confirmed the ‘scare’ would continue over the weekend.
Assuming anyone survives the water riots to read it, would they be kind enough to sell me a drop?