Get stuff, save cash, toss aside your dignity

LP Columnist Barry Freeman
LP Columnist Barry Freeman
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Black Friday soon. November 27.

Already being heavily flagged up online. Who knows, maybe on an advertisement embedded in the internet incarnation of this very column.

Black Friday, yet another uninvited consumer-based ‘tradition’ from the USA imposed on our calendar and dumbly endorsed by Britain’s over Americanised retail herd. One to put alongside the poxy Coke Truck in Britain’s Xmas Files of shame.

What fun last year. Remember?

Rampaging mobs in the aisles of shopping-centres (or malls, if you have no pride in your own dialect and wish to appear ‘cool’) and shops, brawling and baying over stupidly big tellies, wrestling, punching, kicking, trampling humans underfoot.

A vile spectacle, Britain’s gathering love affair with mindless acquisition made flesh, evermore to rear its ugly head just as Christmas looms on the near horizon. A great opportunity, of course, for well-heeled talking heads across the media to look down their noses and snort angry derision for undisclosed sums of money.

It will, after all, be this tireless body of mostly white rats’ favourite targets in the melee: sportswear-clad members of the lower orders, many of them black, binning dignity in pursuit of the latest ‘must have’ hardware.

That the pundits themselves likely own more or less the same tech, and that all keeping them as spectators of the grotesque grabbing spree is their bank balance, will not be addressed.

Well, what Oxbridge (Hunt’s 1%) rentagob worth their salt will admit that the same political and cultural levers which excite the mob also drive their own retail habits? Especially when they have the fiscal resources to insulate them from this truth.

Still, at least the poor sods willing to publicly demean themselves rather than pass Christmas watching drivel on a screen any smaller than a pool table have, presumably,got cash in pocket to take home their bargains.

Save real pity for the millions who – quite unremarked upon by superior media snobs – will pursue their implanted retail dreams through the doors of BrightHouse et al.

There’ll be no fisticuffs or scuffling there. The only violence inflicted will be that punters visit upon their own economic future, such is the vicious mark-up and APR applied.

Still, got to get latest gear don’t you? For the kiddies. To watch the match. To passively gawp at ads for the latest latest gear...