Fridge lads as keen as my sense of direction

Steve Royle
Steve Royle
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I’m such a man! Not in the sense that I’m boisterous, love cars and like to show off in front of women but more in the way that I refuse to stop the car to ask for directions.

I have a hopeless sense of which way I’m heading and yet I will happily (or rather frustratingly) travel for miles out of my way rather than pull over and seek help from a stranger.

The other night I took this macho pride to another level.

I left a gig in Birkdale and immediately took a wrong-turning out of the car park. But instead of doubling back with immediate effect, because I didn’t want anyone to realise I’d made a mistake, I continued on my not-so merry way, thinking I’d get back on track at the next junction.

Instead, I ended up just short of Liverpool, finally pulling over and seeking help from the only source I trust under such sat nav.

Even the Irish woman on that managed a note of disapproval when she realised where I’d ended up.

My excuse is that I’ve been been distracted this week by the arrival of a new kitchen appliance.

It’s been over a year of searching and comparing but finally we’ve bought an American style fridge freezer, and a posh one at that.

On the down side it was delivered by the most unenthusiastic blokes I’ve ever come across.

The Chuckle Brothers would have had it installed quicker.

It was obvious I was their final call of the day and they had better things to be doing. The lead guy’s opening gambit was: “We’ll not get it through that door, do you want us to take it back for you and sort a refund?”

He was even less enthusiastic when I said the French doors round the back would easily be wide enough, claiming: “We might damage it bringing it up the side of your house”.

In the end I took a fence panel out and had it transported through next door’s garden.

But even when they finally got it inside they refused to connect the drinks dispenser to the water supply because the plumbing wasn’t in the right place for them.

Finally they tried to persuade me to keep the old fridge to store stuff in whilst the new appliance “settled,” even though I had paid £10 for them to take it away.

I felt like telling them that next time they don’t want to work they should just phone in sick like everyone else.

As they left they told me not to use the device for 12 hours, so imagine my surprise when two hours after delivery, I received an email from the supplier asking what I thought and if I was happy with it!

•Just a gentle reminder to end with...

My show at The Chorley Little Theatre on March 16 is selling fast (honest!) so book now to avoid disappointment. Trust me, it’ll be a fun night because I love my job.

Unlike certain delivery folk.