Dishwasher wars are a real kitchen sink drama
Forget political wrangles and banish all thoughts of Brexit - there's a far more critical issue affecting the nation.
The burning question across households is: “What IS the correct way to stack a dishwasher?”
The dishwasher is one of the most divisive domestic appliances and the cause of many rows.
Dishwasher wars caused by sloppy stacking were revealed to me when a colleague confessed she’d been in trouble with her husband for “loading the dishwasher all wrong”.
Her remarks were like a hand grenade launched across the office provoking an intense debate about dishwasher disputes and dos and don’ts. Dishwasher etiquette is a recipe for domestic disaster and the cause of many flared tempers as people fall into so many different dishwasher categories.
Firstly, there’s the Dishwasher Disbelievers - those who don’t have a dishwasher and profess they have no desire for one as they “don’t mind doing the dishes” and “find it therapeutic”.
Oh you poor deluded souls! I know, you see, because I was once like you. In the days before we had a dishwasher, I viewed them as an unnecessary luxury and declared I didn’t want one.
Then about a decade ago, we moved to our current home which already had a dishwasher and I rapidly became a convert.
Like someone discovering chocolate for the first time, I suddenly realised what all the fuss was about. A dishwasher revolutionised my life. Since the year AD (After Dishwasher) I simply couldn’t be without one.
No amount of washing by hand can get dishes and glassware as gleaming.
Plus dishwashers have the added bonus of hiding away unsightly dirty dishes.
Then there’s the Dishwasher Despots - control freaks who are very particular about dishwasher stacking and have a precise place and angle for everything.
So convinced are they of their stacking superiority, they despair if their rules are flouted and even sneak down in the middle of the night to hastily rearrange dishes.
And then you have the Too Diligent Dishwashers - those who painstakingly rinse every item and remove all scraps of food before putting plates in the dishwasher. It takes so much time and effort, they may as well have squirted Fairy Liquid and washed them all by hand.
To rinse or not to rinse, that is the question. I’m a non-rinser myself. To me, it’s akin to those who tidy their home before the cleaner arrives or like having a pre-wash before taking a shower.
My method is to cram everything willy nilly wherever it fits and hope for the best. After all, it’s a machine that washes dishes.
Another dilemma is handles up or down? As one co-worker explained knives pointed up were dangerous in case you tripped and fell, another perplexed colleague asked: “How hazardous is your home? A dishwasher’s only open a few seconds!”
Talk about a kitchen sink drama! What’s next: Dishwasher Divorce?