Who's The Daddy: Life would be much easier if we all wore a uniform

Parents of kids returning home for the summer from university! How are you getting on with fitting absolutely everything from someone else’s house into your own?

By The Newsroom
Wednesday, 6th July 2022, 12:59 pm

Felt too big and empty when they were away, didn’t it? Yeah. Doesn’t feel like it’s anywhere near big enough now though, does it? No.We ferried Daughter #2 and her terrifyingly mountainous pile of stuff back home from her student flat in Liverpool last Friday, and we’re still scratching our heads as to where we’re going to put it all.Daughter #2 isn’t. Barely 24 hours after arriving back to her childhood bedroom after her first year of glorious freedom, she was packing another suitcase to fly off to Cyprus for a week’s holiday with her flatmate.Meanwhile me, the boss and an overworked large-load German washing machine have been ploughing through bag after bag of clothes (after the fifth we estimated that we were roughly halfway through).Her flat came equipped with a washing machine but also a damp, fusty smell that takes about 12 hours to get out of your nostrils and forever to come out of wet, pegged out clothes on a drying rack.And for the privilege of living in a gloomy city centre flat with less natural light than your average prison cell in a building that stunk like a wet dog that’s rolled in God knows what until you became nose blind, just the best part of six grand a year - each.Put it this way, thanks to the constant washing and then drying on rainy days, the numbers under the pounds and pence signs on our newly installed smart meter have been spinning around faster than the digital stopwatch at the men’s 100m final at the Olympics.As a father to two young women, here’s a question that needs answering. Why do they need so many clothes?As any middle-aged man will tell you, all you need is one pair of jeans, two pairs of cargo pants, three pairs of undies, three pairs of socks, about half a dozen T-shirts (either free with a case of beer or bought at a gig), a hoodie, one all-purpose wedding/funeral/christening/employment tribunal/court appearance suit, one shirt, a pair of shoes and two pairs of trainers. That’s it. Everything else is unnecessary and just showing off. Honestly, if the Government passed a law today that everyone had to wear a uniform then I’d be delighted. So long as that uniform was a Superdry hoodie and a porridge coloured pair of shorts with six pockets they’d get my vote.