Challenging times to a man for no ‘seasons’

LEP Columnist Barry Freeman
LEP Columnist Barry Freeman
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I’m in this pub, this pub which all of a sudden is devoted to grilled meat; loud laden sizzling skillets fly thick and fast out the kitchen like angry hot wasps, and on offer is a meal off a dustbin lid.

A dustbin lid!

Ha ha ha, not really, of course. Because who would play along with that? Is foul.

No, I’m actually being invited to order a ‘TRASH CAN CHALLENGE,’ the meal ‘so big we can only serve it in a trash can lid’.

That’s better, isn’t it? Now it has been Americanised. Trash is fun, trash is cool, trash is Top Cat, trash is grimy glamour, so on, so forth.

Dustbin lid, by way of contrast, is Lonnie Donegan. Donegan, seeping milky fluid and vulcanised rubber.

Could you eat a giant rack of ribs, a large cheese and bacon burger, a chilli beef sundae, onion rings, a southern fried chicken skewer, corn on the cob, double baked beans and TRIPLE PORTION OF CHIPS with Donegan, seeping milky fluid and vulcanised rubber on your gluttonous mind?

Nor I. TRASH CAN CHALLENGE it is. And that should be welcomed.After all, this ain’t like more or less everyone now saying ‘season’ when they mean ‘series’.

As if the idea of one long story broken up into smaller episodes, each working – to varying degree – as both a standalone drama and a driver of the overall narrative was a new thing that we haven’t had in Britain for so long as everyone alive today can remember.

Oh there’s been loads. We called them ‘series’. But say ‘series’ out loud now and people look at you as if you’re riding by on a boneshaker doffing a dusty stovepipe.

Now they’re ‘seasons’. And new ‘seasons’ of many popular shows are imminent or underway. This is why Game of Thrones gimps gawp at you from every silly magazine stand you pass at this time .

Stressful days for people who have not kept up with the ‘seasons’. Many acquire box sets to bulk view old ‘seasons’ in marathon sessions or so the advertising world strives endlessly to have us believe.

A futile circus. But this is the way of the ‘season’. Demanding. Not like our old ‘series’, pottering along.

However, gross gannet platters like TRASH CAN CHALLENGE, are wholly US in origin, nauseating greed being that nation’s greatest contribution to global cuisine.

The use of TRASH CAN makes it plain. Ownership taken. This is theirs. And now it’s yours.