Carnival of football clichés heading our way

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Predictions have never been my strong point.

I have won the odd daft gamble but have always been a punter who follows his heart rather than one who studies the cold, hard facts.

But with the self-styled Greatest Show on Earth nearly upon us tradition dictates predictions are made. Having studied the form, read what seems like everything written in the English language about the tournament and watched hours of ‘experts’ proffer their opinion, I am still none the wiser.

Any tip made by this writer would be worth as much to you as a job lot of VHS copies of the first series of Birds of a Feather.

But there are some things so nailed on to happen at this most special of Brazilian carnivals that even a Lib Dem would be happy to look into the future, safe in the knowledge this particular reality would not reduce them to tears.

If you want a quick return on your hard earned then you could do a lot worse on predicting Steven Gerrard will not be hoisting the most famous prize in sport, although that is not to say the Three Lions will necessarily be the flops the doom mongers believe.

I think we have a decent chance of reaching the quarter finals but if we do I also predict a tie-less David Cameron will reminds us he is 
Aston Villa through and through and that he is backing ‘Our boys 100 per cent’... it is at this point that we will be dispatched by Brazil.

It is a certainty we will become quickly frustrated with the pundits mixing their metaphors and doing a line in stating the obvious.

It can also be easily predicted cameramen everywhere will seek out the prettiest faces in the crowd and outside the stadia at least a dozen times a game. It is also not beyond the realms of fantasy to foresee a lingering close up of a female Brazil fan with her team emblazoned across her hotpants.

Another fair assumption that football fans everywhere will have a cast-iron excuse to leave work super early on the day England kick off at 5pm – probably something involving a medical appointment or a school play. These nuggets of wisdom may or may not come true, but one thing is for certain: we will all be pining for more when the World Cup finishes on July 13.