Insulting behaviour could liven up 'boring' election campaign

Theresa May speaks at the Barbican Centre, York
Theresa May speaks at the Barbican Centre, York
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The Conservative Party's General Election campaign has been "mind-numbingly boring", according to former Tory MP Paul Goodman.

But he does point out that elections are not designed to entertain the media or anybody else, but to garner votes.

Former Tory MP Paul Goodman

Former Tory MP Paul Goodman

And that is why Theresa May is conducting such an ultra-cautious, no-risks campaign, occasionally ensuring that journalists are herded into a room where they can't see the action or upset the tranquillity of the occasion.

She is also repeating, ad nauseam, two phrases "strong and stable government" and "coalition of chaos", as though we didn't get the message first time.

The worst feature is the total gentlemanliness of the event so far.

In short it is starved of insults: apart from Boris Johnson calling Jeremy Corbyn a "mugwump" and Labour's deputy leader Tom Watson hitting back by calling Mr Johnson a "flopdoodle", there have been no insults of any merit at all.

The campaign has been conducted with all the aggression of a Sunday school picnic.

The late Labour MP Tony Banks would have livened things up. He once called William (now Lord) Hague a foetus and likened Margaret Thatcher to a "sex-starved boa constrictor".

But even he did not rise to the impressive heights of name-calling of Australian politicians.

Some of the milder and printable ones are: dung-beetle, a lizard on a rock, alive but looking dead, a desiccated coconut, a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him, and brain-damaged. Plainly the British politician has a lot to learn.

The House of Commons could have a top professional football referee in its ranks after the General Election.

Conservative Douglas Ross, who is already a member of the Scottish Parliament, is challenging Angus Robertson, the SNP deputy leader, in the UK parliamentary constituency of Moray.

Mr Ross, who earns £5,000 a year as a top referee in Scotland, says he will continue in this role even if he is elected on June 8, a decision which has been attacked by his political opponents.

But it is a tough call. He would have to overturn an SNP majority of nearly 10,000 if he is to be successful.

Award-winning actress and former firebrand Labour MP Glenda Jackson has a novel, if fanciful, plan to ensure that old people are kept happy and fruitfully occupied during this campaign.

"I once said blithely that when I finished being an MP I was going to form an old people's robbery group.

"Everybody ignores old people so we could shoplift and burgle till the cows come home."

A 21st-century version of the Lavender Hill Mob?