A man's home is his castle, or so the slightly dated aphorism goes. From studio flats to end-of-terrace townhouses, all include a metaphorical keep, moat, and drawbridge in the owners' eyes, but what happens when metaphor just isn't enough? Well, you buy a £1.25m real-life castle, of course.
Strictly speaking, your £1.25m won't get you an entire castle, but it will buy you residence in the duplex three-floor Thurland Wing of the 11th century, Grade II-listed Thurland Castle in Carnforth, as well as a literal moat (cartoon alligators not included) and very real battlements. Oh, and the Thurland Wing also comes with something truly priceless: a Lordship title.
Arise, Lord *insert your name here to make you feel fancy*. What's not to love?
Being surrounded on all sides in a castle has historically rarely been a good thing, but in Thurland Castle's case, having the Lake District and The Yorkshire Dales National Parks to the North and East respectively and the Forest of Bowland and Arnside & Silverdale Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty to the South and West represents just about the most welcome siege imaginable.
Accessed via the castle's the original stone arch and gateway stretching across the ancient bridge over the moat, the property is so emphatically medieval that no one would be surprised to see a band of hobbits scurry past or spot Cersei Lannister in the property's private rose gardens. The tennis court, however, is slightly more John McEnroe than Jon Snow.
Once owned by 'The Stainless Knight', Brian Tunstall - a war hero who died at the Battle of Flodden in 1513 and was immortalised in a poem by Sir Walter Scott - the Thurland Wing has been extensively renovated to bring its 1,000-year past up to date a smidge, though a number of original features are still on show, including mullion windows and stone fireplaces.
Also surviving from centuries gone by is a feature truly befitting of castle-dwelling royalty: the ballroom. Complete with Carrera marble fire place, carved linen-fold wood panelling dating back to the 1880s, and stained glass windows, the ballroom is the ultimate weapon in a game of one-upping your friends to see who can hold the best soiree. Beat that, Karen.
More than just a castle (first time anyone's ever typed those words), the Thurland Wing is also a pristine family property, with all three bedrooms offering en suite facilities and the master suite boasting dual-aspect views over the Lancashire countryside. A third-floor studio is ripe for conversion into a gym, cinema room, or even an unconventionally high-up dungeon.
Far from a dingy scullery, the updated kitchen has a traditional aga to keep the parapets warm on those long winter nights, as well as a Belfast sink and a large skylight, which may need to be covered if you're expecting an attack from above. And when any weary lord or lady is tired of cooking, the quaint nearby village of Tunstall offers access to a gastro pub; think Heston Blumenthal meets The Lord of the Rings.
There are also four other properties for sale in Thurland Castle. For more information, head to https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-54464577.html