The lorry driver who hit Clarke Carlisle during his failed suicide attempt has refused to speak with the former Preston North End footballer.
Carlisle has been trying to get in touch with the driver to apologise for jumping in front of his vehicle on the A64 near York on December 22.
But the former England Under-21 international revealed in an interview in the June edition of GQ magazine that the driver has rejected the opportunity to talk to him.
Carlisle said: “I feel deeply ashamed and incredibly guilty that I may have caused lasting trauma to my family but also, what about the driver? I have tried to make contact and he has point-blank refused and I understand that - he has to deal with it as he sees fit - but I wish I could see him and apologise.”
The 35-year-old father of three said he was “devastated” when he realised he was still alive in the moments after the suicide attempt, but he is now happy he survived.
He said: “I was totally devastated... I wanted to go.
“I was convinced it was the right thing to do and I was angry I was still living. They asked me my name and date of birth and I was annoyed I could remember - I didn’t even get amnesia... I had my wallet on me so they had taken a look and one of them said, ‘This is going to be big’. I cannot tell you how delighted I am to be alive (now). Life is full of possibilities. I was totally shaken and stirred as a human being.”