Ted Robbins bemoans the onslaught of New Year ads

Ted Robbins
Ted Robbins
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Why does the New Year always become survival of the fittest?

Well, that’s that then. Another Christmas and into a New Year. So,as one gets older, the season’s change becomes familiar and comes round oh so quickly.

Keep Fit march 1969

Keep Fit march 1969

Already, the TV adverts are telling us how we can afford a debt-free Christmas 2014 by subscribing to their well-known hamper company. Mmm, just what we need now – the prospect of more rich ruby port, smelly stilton and some glace fruits!

No, it’s detox all round for us all for the next two and a half weeks. Well, two and a half days in my case. Oh, all right then, two and a half hours?

And then there are the inevitable ‘Celebrity’ work-out, detox, unbloat, firm up, shape up and ship off DVDs.

The voiceover usually goes: “Join Superstar Tina (she was once on Celebrity Big Brother’s Little Brother’s Second Cousin, on Channel 4+1 online satellite channel)as she shakes her booty and shakes off those pounds at the same time!

“Yes, it’s twerking that’s working for me!”

And then there’s the holiday ads – sick of gazing out at your Christmas wrapping strewn backyard, soggy with cardboard boxes rendered to papier mache thanks to another dousing from the latest Atlantic Front to come hurtling in over the Irish Sea?

Then simply book now for Barbados, Spain, Butlins, Center Parcs, The Isle of Anywhere.

Just book it, pack it and... you’re off.

But how to pay for it? Don’t worry, stay tuned and the TV ads will, again, have the answer – a cheap,affordable loan from Great White Loans UK!

At Great White, we don’t just lend you money, we take care of you. Or we will if you don’t keep up the payments. All at just 3,417 per cent per day (terms and conditions apply)

If none of the above appeals, then perhaps just do the following – wrap up well (possibly in one of those scarves and sweaters that your Great Aunt bought you), head out to one of Lancashire’s many lovely locations, or just the park, take a few deep breaths and give thanks for making it through another year.

I hope the new one is a great one for you!

I’m off filming a new series of The Slammer for a few weeks now, so just to say thanks to all at the LEP for printing my burblings...but mostly thanks to you for reading them!

God Bless!