Stumbling blindfold up the housing ladder

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Alex Salmond is not the only one who has done a Garbo and declared he wants to be left alone this week.

I too feel his pain, although I have not just seen my dream of leading my nation into a brave new era disappear as quickly as a double whisky down one of his compatriots’ necks. I am moving house. For the second time in 10 months.

We all know moving home is the most stressful thing a person can do - more stressful than divorce and even more pressure than being the Royal gynaecologist. Shifting your stuff from one house to another should be pretty straightforward but it isn’t, largely because there are lots of other people involved. It hasn’t helped that we have bought our new home at a time when the property market resembled a Monte Carlo casino and the buying public (apart from us) appear to have their life savings burning a hole in their well worn pink chinos.

But after a few near misses we finally found the place we know we will be comfortable calling home.

We have been fortunate, we have not had the hassle some poor sods get - we have dealt with good people when it has mattered, but why do I feel so anxious?

According to The Boss, it is not as though I have had very much towards to this latest move. This withering insult initially hurt, until I sat down and reflected and realised I have been something of a passenger during the whole process. But why the rising blood pressure and the sweaty collar? It can’t be the prospect of packing lots of boxes because I am sitting that one out too, largely because there are concerns the goldfish will end up in the kettle and her best frocks will be bagged up with my well worn Jockeys and holey socks.

Neither can we be worried about uprooting the family as we are moving less than one mile down the road. The answer to why moving home is such a palava is a complex one and is undoubtedly so for different reasons for different people.

In my case, I am terrified because for every rung of life’s ladder I manage to climb it causes me to reflect on the fact I have ever growing responsibilities, when the truth is I am incapable of tying my own shoelaces. For as long as bricks and mortar are important to society then the act of moving your loved ones and possessions from one property to another will continue to be the most aggravating thing a human being can do. It would not wish it on anyone. Not even Wee Alex.