I’ll boycott the gym and eat more

Aasma Day, Lancashire Evening Post Health Correspondent

Aasma Day, Lancashire Evening Post Health Correspondent

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Is the best way to keep a New Year’s Resolution to use reverse psychology?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions and as another year draws to a close, well meaning folk everywhere are busy drawing up a fictional list of resolutions they are fated to fail.

Undated Handout Photo of 5 Gold Rings Praline Brownie Cake, Marks&Spencer. See PA Feature FOOD Christmas Cake. Picture credit should read: PA Photo/Karen Thomas. WARNING: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature FOOD Christmas Cake.

Undated Handout Photo of 5 Gold Rings Praline Brownie Cake, Marks&Spencer. See PA Feature FOOD Christmas Cake. Picture credit should read: PA Photo/Karen Thomas. WARNING: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature FOOD Christmas Cake.

Not I though … I know it is an utterly pointless task. After all, a New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

New Year’s Resolutions are just a way of heaping extra pressure on yourself. You make ‘em, you break ‘em and then you end up crying into your soup because you feel such a failure.

So you fancy that huge slice of chocolate cake that is laden with 948 calories? Eat it. Fancy skipping your gym session after work even though you know it is good for your health and fitness? Do it. Does the thought of that massive pile of paperwork fill you with lethargy even though you know you can tackle it with a little self-discipline? Leave it until tomorrow.

Personally, I think there’s no worse way of starting off a fresh New Year than by giving yourself a list of insurmountable challenges to overcome.

Far better to roll with it, go with the flow and hit that snooze button and put those well-meaning goals off for another year.

I know what I am and am accepting of it. I know I’m not going to lose that weight I want to shed, I know I’m never going to start being sensible with money and stop spending money I haven’t got, and I know I’m never going to become tidy and organised.

In fact, not only am I secure in the knowledge that New Year’s Resolutions are doomed to fail, I actually believe it is better to try a bit of reverse psychology by coming up with a list of alternative resolutions. That way, if you fail your resolutions, you’re actually succeeding, if you know what I mean.

For instance, in 2015, I think I will aim to put on half-a-stone – or even go the whole hog and try to gain a full stone.

I’ll try and get myself into debt and spend until all my credit cards have hit their max.

I’ll try my hardest to keep my desk as messy and chaotic as possible and at home, I will always try and leave my clothes in a messy pile on the bedroom floor rather than hanging them up in the wardrobe.

As for exercise, I think I’ll cut down this year and boycott the gym.

Food wise, I think I’ll eat more nice things like crisps, chips, chocolate and burgers and reduce my intake of fresh fruit, vegetables and salads.

When it comes to alcohol, I think I need to up the number of units I imbibe each week.

After all, wasn’t it Ernest Hemingway who said you need to drink more to make other people more interesting?

My, my … 2015 is suddenly starting to look rather appealing.

However, if reverse psychology isn’t for you, maybe the best resolutions to make are ones that you actually stand half a chance of achieving. How about: “My New Year’s Resolution is to spend less time interacting with real people and more time on my phone scrolling through Twitter and Facebook”. I know plenty of people who would be BRILLIANT at this.

Or there’s the option of setting yourself small targets and tackling those tiny issues. Every little helps.

I’m talking about things such as making yourself think of a password other than “password”, trying to figure out why you really need 12 e-mail addresses, vowing to read the instructions before trying to assemble something and resolving to spend time with neglected children – your own.

If New Year’s Day rolls round and you realise you completely forgot to make any resolutions, don’t panic.

Simply make a list of everything you did and said the night before and add the word “stop” at the beginning of each sentence.

As that wise man Oscar Wilde once said: “Good resolutions are simply cheques that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”

Have a Happy 2015 everyone!