Wait, what? How did that happen? Last time I looked we were dropping off our first-born daughter at reception class and now she’s sitting her GCSEs.
I only blinked in 2004 and suddenly it’s 12 years later.
Her first exam was on Tuesday – and you may have seen it on the news.
A biology paper which didn’t feel the need to concern itself too much with, er, biology. A subject she’d studied for the past two years and revised with all the rigour of a grade-A Chinese student.
There were questions on drunken rats, what alcoholic drinks 15-year-old boys like best and what constitutes an independent company – but not so much on the menstrual cycle, vaccines and cells.
You know, biology.
Around 100,000 people tweeted about the AQA exam board’s dreadful biology paper on Tuesday and national newspapers ran the story on their websites within hours.
At the time of writing, daughter No.1 is sitting the first part of her ICT exam.
Judging by Tuesday’s shambolic biology paper, she’d have been better off ditching spreadsheet design and concentrating on learning the character traits of the major players in Grand Theft Auto.
And today she’s doing her first chemistry exam set by the same nimrods who dreamt up the irrelevant questions on Tuesday’s biology paper THAT NOBODY IN THE COUNTRY HAD STUDIED FOR.
I dread to think what’s going to be on that, plotlines from Breaking Bad and the main differences between the chemical formula of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman’s 99.1 per cent pure blue crystal meth and the low grade product punted by psychopathic Mexican drug dealer Tuco Salamanca?
Joking aside, this isn’t funny.
There were a lot of confused, upset and angry 16-year-olds walking out of exam halls on Tuesday, who felt like all the hard work they’d done was for nothing.
Luckily for us daughter No.1 is level-headed.
I texted her after Tuesday’s biology exam to ask how it went and got a one-word reply, “Bad”.
There’s a list of her 20 exams on our fridge door.
And if the quality of the papers doesn’t improve, I predict a riot that’ll make 1990s Poll Tax demonstrations look like a Pilates class.