It's a dad's life
There is more to being a stay at home dad than sitting round reading the papers all day. As Andy Johnston celebrates his third Father's Day he tells us what it's really like and why him and girlfriend Harriet think they made a good decision in how they care for two-year-old daughter Molly...
It's 10 in the morning, I am tired already and I've got a list of errands and chores that would make Kim and Aggie wince. Molly has been doing her "terrible twos, I don't like anything, toddler tantrum" worst for the past half an hour.
Yesterday was my third Father's Day so I should be used to this sort of thing, but on mornings like these I will be glad to get back into conventional work.
After nearly two-and-a-half years of full time stay-at-home dadding, I'm going back to work, part-time, next week.
I'm looking forward to it, we will certainly be glad of the money, but I already know that even though it's evening work, I will miss Molly terribly.
I will still be Molly's primary carer, looking after her every morning before sending her to nursery - somewhere she enjoys more than being at home - each afternoon.
Despite the cut in hours together, we will still be miles above the UK average, where fathers in two-parent families do 25% of the childcare-related activities during the week and 30% at weekends.
Positive parenting reaps rewards, everything from exam results to self-esteem have been proved to be better when both the mother and father are involved.
I've been lucky; no other men I know have been able to spend the amount of time with their offspring that I have. I've seen Molly's first crawl, first stepsand heard her first words.
I've seen her change from a tiny baby who couldn't stay awake in the
pushchair for more than three minutes, to a one metre tall, two stone toddler with a keen interest in exchanging imaginary ice cream for imaginary money, and sitting in whichever chair I am.
She sometimes fits in with the "dad in charge" stereotype of an unkempt toddler, squashed into mismatched, half-mast clothes, but only if my attire also falls into those categories.
Emotional development has gone hand-in-hand with her physical development and we can now understand more of the words that come out of her mouth than we can't.
She has her own baby, her teddy bear, which she cares for and loves in the same way we do for her. She has nearly completed the first stage of her life.
In the past 15 years the number of full time Stay-at-Home Dads has doubled to nearly 200,000. There are certainly more blokes pushing prams round Preston town centre and more blokes with their kids in the playground in the daytime than two years ago when I started.
These increases represent a gradual shift in attitudes to British parenting but still remain relative small fry when Swedish men can take up to six months off work, and must take at least two months off after the birth of a child. British men by comparison get two weeks.
Anyone who thinks that being a full-time Stay-at-Home Dad is a passport to your feet up hiding behind a newspaper all day should think again. A tiredness like I have never known before has been a feature of the past two years. I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to face the day.
As Molly has changed so the tiredness has changed too, it has gone from a sleep-deprived, matchsticks-under-the-eyelids tiredness in the early days to a physically exhausted, every muscle aching tiredness, on a daily basis now.
Overall, Harriet and I have been able to give Molly the best possible start to life. She is happy, confident and seems to bring happiness to everyone she meets. She is at the end of the beginning of her young life and for us tired parents, the hard work is only just starting.
Read Andy's blog under the blogs section
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Weather for Preston
Thursday 29 July 2010
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: 15 C to 17 C
Wind Speed: 28 mph
Wind direction: West
Tomorrow
Light rain
Temperature: 15 C to 19 C
Wind Speed: 16 mph
Wind direction: South
